Saturday, June 22, 2013

Staying positive?

I know I haven't posted for a while.  I've taken up some time consuming hobbies lately (currently learning 8 languages... ) as well as I've been working more and more.

I work for a soils lab at the university, as well as being an intern for the university helping some orchards in a national park become certified organic.  It's quite the process. I'm really not sure how full time farmers find the time or the means to actually certify their farms organic.  It's really incredible.  It's giving me just about a full time job filling out the application.

I love the world.  I adore all different kinds of people.  I love animals. I love plants. I love soils, I love learning about the systems of the world and how magical it is.  I mean really, everything about science is magical.  It's unreal, first of all, that we have learned how to identify these systems in the first place, and that these systems exist and how amazing it is. I mean it's beautiful.

But on the other side of life, I feel like, I'm being absorbed by this overwhelming devastation.

Not really about life, but how we are living.  I can't help but absorb these crazy things we are doing to ourselves, the planet, our homes, our neighbors, our sons, our daughters, our animals, our plants, our soils, our skies, our minds!! How in the world did we come to this?  Why do we live like this?  Native peoples were never barbaric, WE ARE!!

I am so appalled by humanity, honestly.  I know that there are so many good people. Actually I believe there aren't really any 'bad' people per say.  But our ignorance and laziness, our blindness is absolutely grotesque.  And I'm not sure what to do with these feelings.  I know that we supposedly 'create' our reality.  That our perceptions are the ones at fault and not the world.  I have no proof that any of these theories are true.  I can point to times in my life where I've felt happy, and I can point to times in my life where I felt sad, I can point to the thoughts that I had, or the people I was with, or the general environment.  But, can I, say, in all honesty, that I 100% know that any of these so called, 'pearls' of wisdom are true?  Absolutely not.

I think we've become lazy.  I think we as a society of people have become so overwhelmed in our customs and attachment to comfort, ease, 'progress', wealth that we have completely forgotten what it's like to ACTUALLY be ALIVE, and be with our surroundings!!!

I am completely to blame along with everyone else.  I am sitting here, typing on a computer, with a roof over my head, full stomach, money in the bank, food in my fridge.  I have more than most people and living beings on this earth, and I am not quite sure how to change.  I unfortunately know very little about surviving in the wild.  However, my ultimate goal is to find the community I can call home, where I CAN live the way I feel we were meant to live.  Alongside each other, actively working with nature's systems in a way that it benefits ALL. Benefits all of life, not just the 'richest' group on earth.

It actually makes me sick.  It's like I've woken up in this world of zombies who brag about how much flesh they can eat, while babies starve and mothers are brutally beaten and raped.  Along with a myriad of other repulsive activities.

What can we do. Seriously?  I want to know what we can do.  How we do we stop this crazy train?  Is it possible?  I can stop my thoughts, but it wont stop the madness.  It won't stop the suffering I continually see day in and day out.  It may stop my own suffering from it all, but what about theirs, those who don't have a voice in all of this, the ones who are abused and taken from their homes, because we feel like bulldozing everything on planet earth so that we can build things...????

What is going on.  This is outrageous.